God and how we deal with happiness.

as we drove from michigan over last weekend i had a realization that startled me a bit into some deep consideration.  we were listening to the soundtrack of our life again, the rend collective experiment.  seriously.  have you still not bought it? yes, i'm going to add another song link below to explain this story...but just go buy it already. lol.

so we were listening to this song and it hit me what our past week of vacation had really looked like.  i had brought my bible...and not opened it once. confession time. i was so embarrassed. and it's not like i hadn't prayed that week, or talked to God, or hadn't thought of him.  adoption is his heart, i think of how it relates to him almost daily these days (especially as i read through adopted for life...oh my word...whole post on that in the future), but i had an opportunity to sit and be with him that week and in my excitement of adoption and bustle of paperwork, had ignored that opportunity.

I love You Lord
But I want to love You more
I need You God
But I want to need You more

I'm lost without
Your creative spark in me
I'm dead inside
Unless Your resurrection sings

I'm desperate for a desperate heart
I'm reaching out, I'm reaching

All that I am is dry bones
Without You Lord, a desert soul
I am broken but running
Towards You God, You make me whole

You are exactly what we need
Only You can satisfy

i've read in lots of places how hard times bring us closer to God...if we allow it that is.  these past two years...and especially these past six months have been the hardest in my life and yet my relationship with Christ has never been stronger.  i know him and understand him in ways i never could have had we not been through the stretching and pulling He allowed.  i'm FOREVER thankful.  would never trade our experiences for anything.  my growth in Him has been exponential.

and YET...when things get exciting or are turning directions in so many ways (not just children wise), i begin to disregard the opportunities i'm given to once again draw close to him because of various other fun things on my mind. that's not okay. so, not okay.  so as i listened to this song and i was reminded that i am NOTHING but "dry bones" and a "desert soul" without him on a consistant basis.  without his fresh revelation in my life, it doesn't matter what happinesses come my way...because they pale and are (or should) be nothing in comparison to what he offers me (please read all the "he" and "him" in uppercase, i don't use caps lock).

so i was humbled on our drive home.  that in no matter the state we are in in life, to continuously seek him. 

"all that i am is dry bones without you lord, a desert soul...you are exactly what we need, only you can satisfy"