my first mini emotional breakdown lol. it had to come right? there were lots of things involved in how it came about, but i kinda lost it last night. we worked on paperwork for about 2-3 hours and while we are getting ever so close to finishing (this part...not done by any means)...i balled.
you're sitting there reading through questions that ask you about your current concerns: are you nervous your child won't call you mom, are you concerned they'll not attach, are you concerned about financial investment...well duh questionaire. that's across the board with any soon to be parents, not just those that adopt, but in our case we are asked to consider these, weigh them out, and respond to them. it's intense. and tends to spurr on a million of your own fears...what if it takes 10x longer than they say. like so many things have in my life it seems. what if they are past the age that they'll want to snuggle with me. i love snuggling. will they??
jacob was super comforting and supportive as he always is. he's a rock man. so amazing.
i must continuously quote the scripture that has carried me the past year. it's one i've clung to. yelled out, prayed, and cried out sometimes in anger...
you're sitting there reading through questions that ask you about your current concerns: are you nervous your child won't call you mom, are you concerned they'll not attach, are you concerned about financial investment...well duh questionaire. that's across the board with any soon to be parents, not just those that adopt, but in our case we are asked to consider these, weigh them out, and respond to them. it's intense. and tends to spurr on a million of your own fears...what if it takes 10x longer than they say. like so many things have in my life it seems. what if they are past the age that they'll want to snuggle with me. i love snuggling. will they??
jacob was super comforting and supportive as he always is. he's a rock man. so amazing.
i must continuously quote the scripture that has carried me the past year. it's one i've clung to. yelled out, prayed, and cried out sometimes in anger...
"...those who hope in me will not be dissapointed" isaiah 49:23b
i may dissapointed sometimes with timings or how things go...but when my whole hope and my whole heart is wrapped into God's, i'm not dissapointed because of the complete understanding that God always does what is best for me. his word tells me and i live it out. everything he allows or doesn't allow is working out an ultimate amazing story that reflects HIM best and shows HIS glory most effectively. and when i gave up my life to allow him in, that's what i signed up for...i signed up for his story and his constant work in my life. so regardless of how long things take or don't take this is my mantra, that those who hope in him will not be dissapointed. i continually hope in him, knowing that as i hand it all back over to him he will work it in a way that i will not be dissapointed if i trust in him.
i choose to trust him.
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