on numerous occassions over the past several months, i've started a list of what our story has entailed. the ups and downs of the cecils' marriage...and more specifically what God has brought us through the past two and a half years as we have looked towards starting a family. each time the list full of dates and events has been left, half done and severely lacking in something.
not until recently when our pastor spoke on the idea of our story within God's story did i realize what the problem had been when it came to writing this out...i had too often been identifying myself with the events and far less on what God has done in these events. with certainty, i can tell you that the past two-ish years of mine and jacob's marriage has been by and far the most growing, difficult and Christ-enriching years.
when i look at our walk in our marriage through christ's filter i see awesomeness (it's a word. promise. i use it all the time.) when i prayed three years ago about wanting to see God as a healer...how i wanted to see a healing in my lifetime, a true to life one...i didn't envision him using me. i saw healing in myself in the past two years through various health issues i've dealt with on a personal basis. you see, how can i relate and know God as my healer unless i am need of him as that.
christ as comforter. it was more a line in a christmas carol to me than an actualization until the past year. not until He placed me in situations where at that moment there was no one i could call, no one around that understood, and no one that fully got my thought process or current predicament did i find myself leaning whole heartedly on Him. that's not a position we seek out in our lives, but when we pray to know God more and understand him better...he is more than willing to allow us to be tested that we would fully lean on him as our best friend, a constant and a rock.
God's word...a lifeline of promises. seemed like a silly christian-ese quote someone would throw at you when they don't understand what you're going through, but have heard the bible is supposed to help. i've been there. while as a christian i know the importance of the bible, i've not tested it nor clung it as i have in the past several years. it's been a nearly daily reminder through the "dontdefineme365" instagram project i started back in january (feel free to follow, there's still 1/3 of the year left, and i get reference scriptures off it all the time when i need a verse) to look into the word for strength, hope and identity. only the truth of God's word defines me. not a world that says i'm failing in this way or that because of what i have done or not done with my life. so when God tells me i'm enough (2 peter 1:3,4), not dissapointed (isaiah 49:23), splendorous (isaiah 49:2), and not alone (matthew 28:20) or that i'm ever forgotten (isaiah 49:15, 16) than i find myself encouraged as of late.
you see our story isn't one simply compiled of events that make us hurt or excited, it's a constant reflection of God...a daily newness of what He has done and is doing...it's always changing and always moving.
not until recently when our pastor spoke on the idea of our story within God's story did i realize what the problem had been when it came to writing this out...i had too often been identifying myself with the events and far less on what God has done in these events. with certainty, i can tell you that the past two-ish years of mine and jacob's marriage has been by and far the most growing, difficult and Christ-enriching years.
when i look at our walk in our marriage through christ's filter i see awesomeness (it's a word. promise. i use it all the time.) when i prayed three years ago about wanting to see God as a healer...how i wanted to see a healing in my lifetime, a true to life one...i didn't envision him using me. i saw healing in myself in the past two years through various health issues i've dealt with on a personal basis. you see, how can i relate and know God as my healer unless i am need of him as that.
christ as comforter. it was more a line in a christmas carol to me than an actualization until the past year. not until He placed me in situations where at that moment there was no one i could call, no one around that understood, and no one that fully got my thought process or current predicament did i find myself leaning whole heartedly on Him. that's not a position we seek out in our lives, but when we pray to know God more and understand him better...he is more than willing to allow us to be tested that we would fully lean on him as our best friend, a constant and a rock.
God's word...a lifeline of promises. seemed like a silly christian-ese quote someone would throw at you when they don't understand what you're going through, but have heard the bible is supposed to help. i've been there. while as a christian i know the importance of the bible, i've not tested it nor clung it as i have in the past several years. it's been a nearly daily reminder through the "dontdefineme365" instagram project i started back in january (feel free to follow, there's still 1/3 of the year left, and i get reference scriptures off it all the time when i need a verse) to look into the word for strength, hope and identity. only the truth of God's word defines me. not a world that says i'm failing in this way or that because of what i have done or not done with my life. so when God tells me i'm enough (2 peter 1:3,4), not dissapointed (isaiah 49:23), splendorous (isaiah 49:2), and not alone (matthew 28:20) or that i'm ever forgotten (isaiah 49:15, 16) than i find myself encouraged as of late.
you see our story isn't one simply compiled of events that make us hurt or excited, it's a constant reflection of God...a daily newness of what He has done and is doing...it's always changing and always moving.
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