for months now, many have seen my nearly incessant instagram posts (have you caught on i'm a photographer yet...) featuring clouds and then hashtagged with #cloudsofhope and #flagsoffaithfulness. several of you have even caught on and been looking to the sky with your own pictures and hashtags and i love that!! while it has been a theme for my and jacob's lives for many months now, it does not merely encompass our desire for children. because, our hope in life encompasses far more than seeking to raise kids.
the two visuals (flags of faithfulness and clouds of hope) are based in two scriptures that we have been holding to...the first is where elijah goes to pray for rain after a long drought...
42 So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees.
43 “Go and look toward the sea,” he told his servant. And he went up and looked.
“There is nothing there,” he said.
Seven times Elijah said, “Go back.”
44 The seventh time the servant reported, “A cloud as small as a man’s hand is rising from the sea.”
So Elijah said, “Go and tell Ahab, ‘Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.’”
45 Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain started falling and Ahab rode off to Jezreel. 46 The power of the Lord came on Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.
1 kings 18:42-46 (niv version)
jacob and i immediately fell in love with this passage that was recounted in the book "sun stand still". (so good...maybe go get it) the idea that elijah went and bent down on the ground in prayer to God was statement enough...then it tells us he also put his face between his knees....Elijah blocked out everything. he blocked out what he could SEE to pray for what he could not see. it was an experience jacob and i were becoming more familiar with. our lives in the past year or two have been full events that required us to close our eyes, pray and while we didn't see anything, believe. it was like this with jacob quiting his 5 year teaching position to join me in photography, like when we felt we were supposed to go to a large photography workshop when neither of us had "jobs' per se and yet were handed in three days time the amount of work needed to get the monetary funds to attend the workshop...i could go on and on...but this story resonated so deeply in us. but that's not even the best part!! elijah prays and has his servant go look and see if it's raining yet and it's not...and again...and again...SEVEN times the servant goes to check for rain and nothing.
unanswered prayers. been there too. feeling so much hope and yet not seeing answers. it's hard. but we are in love with a God who i know, without a shadow of a doubt, has our best interest in mind. and without that, hope would have been gone long ago.
SO....eventually the servant sees "a cloud as small as a man's hand" rising up...OH THE HOPE! and then before they can get back down the mountain it's pouring. the symbolism chokes me up everytime. and there are so many times in the past six+ months that i look at the sky...whether it's EMPTY and all blue, has only ONE cloud, or is full of DARK BILLOWY storms...and cry because God is on the move. He is constantly on the move...and when i SEE the clouds I think...
9-10 I’m thanking you, God, out loud in the streets,
singing your praises in town and country.
The deeper your love, the higher it goes;
every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness.
psalm 57:10 (the message version)every cloud i see these days is a screaming reminder of a God who is FAITHFUL, who REMEMBERS little 'ol us...who has a PLAN for this little couple in kentucky and i'm wrecked.
and that's why as i start this blog while it is intended to document us as we begin the adoption process..it is so very much more. because jacob and i are hopeful for far more and our kids will know that. our hope is not in children...our hope is in the Creator of them. our excitement isn't found in receiving our referral (which believe me, i've already cried at the thought), it's the God that already planned that path out for us before jacob and i were born. long after we have a child(ren) in our arms we will still cry at the clouds because God has more in mind than giving us children. and he also has many more trials ahead of us to learn and walk through because life as a christian isn't easy, but it is. ever. so. stinkin'. worth it. he has an art ministry for us (and the other couple that helps us head it up) that is growing and evolving in ways we never saw possible just under a year ago (www.livingstonesfinearts.com). he has people we are preparing to meet that are in desperate need of christ's love and supernatural touch in their life and i can't wait to see what God has in store...so when you see clouds, think God. when you look to the sky, remember his faithfulness. and when it rains, it's okay to cry.
(and because when i started blogging i found myself unable to stop writing...i've included pictures. because if you're anything like me when you see lots of words you're likely to stop reading. don't lie. you thought it :)...so the images shown throughout are holga images from a series that will be in living stones fall art show...which of course is entitled "clouds of hope")
p.s. when i began i didn't intend on writing this much...i'm finding it hard now to hold back things that God has helped us realize...so. this is me apologizing...but not apologizing at all for all the words.
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