wisdom and grace.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil" (proverbs 3:6-7)

this scripture hit me in the gut about a month ago.  and it's been the basis for many of my thoughts in the weeks since. this is a very growing time in mine and jacob's lives. we have been learning so much not only in our relationship with God, but in many other aspects like health, food, relationships and callings. it's easy when you are in a heavy gleaning time of life to feel wise.

so let me be the first to make a public apology. i don't understand it all.  or even an inkling. 

around that same time a month or so ago i was in a discussion with someone about how when adam and eve fell/sinned in the garden...everything fell.  ever since the introduction of sin, earth has been in an imperfect state...that includes a fallen state not only in our hearts, but in the earth and in animals, in the weather, everything.  and while we have received forgiveness through Christ's death on the cross, we are still living in a fallen world where the natural processes of life continue in a imperfect state all around us. and as i thought on this for a few days, i became overwhelmed by the idea of God being all-knowing and His understanding of everything going on in my life.  what i see going on around me is with a skewed view, but he sees ever so clearly. i don't see half of what He is doing in my life. the more i learn about Him, the more i'm in awe of all that i do not know about him. and for that reason alone, i am not wise. 

i will continue to learn and grow, but i will never know everything and what i do know will never give me the right to think i am more wise in an area than someone else or that my decisions made are better than someone else's. i make the best decisions for my life based on what i have learned and what God has shown me.  and i'll do the same for my child.  what i learn about what is healthy or best for my child or the best way to parent is what God has shown me, but it does not mean He has shown the same to you for your life or for your child. in His scripture he says he not only knew me before i was born, but that he knows the exact number of hairs on my head and the names of all the stars. His infinite knowledge far outweighs what i think i know. and because of this, i have found myself serving out more grace.  

i'm nearing thirty and as i look at those younger than me recently, i see them handling things in a way i would not. and while i saw myself recognizing this, i now am now trying to view it in light of the verse i have been shown...do not be wise in your own eyes. the very things those who are younger than me are doing, are easily the exact same things i did at that age...without the knowledge i have now.  how many times have i pulled out in front of someone in a parking lot? it's helped me bite my tongue while driving recently. and how many times have i said this or that thinking i was right when really i just hadn't learned more about it yet? it made me think of what i'll look back on at forty and wish i had handled differently at thirty.  while i'm often quick to judge, i'm now trying to be quick to show grace...knowing that i'm just as desperately in need of it as the next person.

friends have told me that it's good to learn things like this as i prepare to be a mom because your skin has to toughen up as everyone has an opinion on how to raise your child...and i'm liable to receive an extra portion of advice seeing how my first child's ethnicity will not match my own. so while i am researching and discussing methods of parenting and feeding recently, i'm recognizing already my own need for grace and am hoping as i try to give it to others who are learning that the same service will be shown to this new mom.