our waiting father.

there are many other things that i should probably update and type about tonight.  but i just finished getting ready for bed and i'm just...well....sad. just a little bit.  incredibly hopeful.  but this evening. sad.

i texted someone this evening and said simply "i'm crying. missing a child i've never met."

i've not experienced this before.  i mean it was different when we were trying for a family biologically and the month would come and go with no positive news in that area.  i know that feeling.  but this one is different.  i know we will be placed with a child. i know it. and so somewhere, on the other side of the world. is a mom. likely pregnant or perhaps hurting as she has just made an adoption plan. somewhere there's a plan in place for a child to be mine. and yet they have no idea who i am. and i miss them.

as i sat on my bed (yup, crying...and journaling) God whispered to me His perspective.

i'm feeling what he feels. for those he also aches for and yet do not know him...he loves them immensely and yet they haven't found him. known him. loved him back yet....but he LOVES, hard and deeply...as i do for a child who doesn't know me yet. 

i love that he's preparing my heart.

but tonight i miss them.