prayers please...

tonight at 10pm our (eastern) time it'll be 10am taiwan time and our orphanage has a meeting with government officials to decide if our orphanage is able to move forward with adoptions or if their license will be suspended for two years.

i got this information late last night and was obviously very shocked. i didn't know that decision was still on the table for debate and i definitely didn't expect to hear any news or updates until august when they were re-evaluated.

this is how it goes with adoption, though.  but we have had a somewhat supernatural, interesting week already and have had several experiences that have prepared us for just a day like today.  so we are praying today and have texted several other friends and family to do the same.

we have been led to believe that this is normally a quickly resolved item and they will hopefully know immediately...but that doesn't mean we will know immediately (as always). so as soon as i know news i'll post, but appreciate prayers in the meantime.

on the upside i feel oddly excited about this...because as the approval goes through this evening that could mean an even higher likelihood of us knowing more in August pertaining to our child. So we are praying confidently and with faith today. Thanks for the same! :)

squash epiphanies.

currently on my kitchen counter there are nine squash, six zuchinni and eight (and a half i got snacky) cucumbers.  this is after making six veggie lasagnas and eight jars of pickles this last week. we have veggies coming out our ears right now and that's not even counting tomatoes that will be in full force this next week from our 15ish tomato plants. yikes.

so. i'm pretty pumped about this to say the least. food prep is not only a personal challenge and creative outlet for me, but in recent months a necessity. so yesterday while i was trying to decide another way to freeze squash it hit me...

we are 90% certain we will be bring our child(ren) home in winter time at this point.
and they'll likely be of the age to be testing foods.
meaning...that the squash on my counter right now will be my child's winter meals!!!

i don't know why certain things hit me more than others. but the idea that i was no longer freezing all these veggies just for us was a huge reality check.

**quick update on the "home in winter time" statement. in the past several weeks we have received word that our orphange will be up for re-evaluation in august. that is assumed to go easily and smoothly, more a formality. once that is complete, they can start new adoptions and take in more babies...as it is, they are currently only able to work on those cases that had been started previously and cannot take in more children. there is also a pregnant women's safe house that provides a majority of the babies in our orphanage. apparently that safe house is busting with new pregnant moms that are deciding to put their children up for adoption. they are very eager for our orphanage to open up its doors again. for this reason...we have been led to believe that come august there could be a huge boom of referrals. EEKS. we are obviously very pumped about this news...while trying to maintain a very reserved excitement level. looking at current average timelines, IF we received our referral in august/september-ish it would probably mean travel around november/december-ish. which would mean the best birthday presents in the fall for both me and jacob...as well as all we could ever want for thanksgiving and christmas. all of this could easily be speculative and could change also. we definitely know things can go differently, but we continue to push forward in hope and pray judges continue to move cases through quickly.**

back to squash.

i caught myself sending a text out this morning to a friend that after the fact stopped me in my tracks.  it was a simple text about some things i had been researching about food (including squash freezing) and i said "i feel like this is something i can totally do!" (in reference to feeding my future child)...and while initially that shouldn't cause any concern, the wise friend's response was to rely on God in the situation and believe in his goodness to cover those circumstances as they come more than relying on any actions i can take or things i can do. it was then i realized what i had texted "i can do this..." wasn't it this blog post just weeks ago that i said i never want to be in a state of not being dependent on God again.  it's so easy to slip into that mindset. i was pumped because something that had seemed very daunting to me now seemed totally achievable...by my own doing. did i think all this new knowledge came magically to me? God has had me on this path of learning for months and he is, even now, helping to educate me on how to be the best mom to our future child.

God, continue to help me rely on you.  i never want to parent without His help. i don't want to (be wise in my own eyes...see last post) ever come to place where i think i can do this parenting thing, or know how to feed my child, or know how to discipline without Him.  i want to be desperate for Him in all areas...and while that's a scary desire because it's a hard one to walk out, isn't that what we signed up for when we became a christian? i need his guidance in all parts of life, from how i am a mom and share Christ with my child to best way to carry out my job.

so as i become excited about veggies in my garden feeding my child, i am simultaneously eager to see how God leads me to parent this particular child that he is giving specifically to us. he is placing a child with us that only we can parent and that is uniquely designed for this cecil family. and neither is possible without his complete guidance. may we never view squash the same. :)

wisdom and grace.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil" (proverbs 3:6-7)

this scripture hit me in the gut about a month ago.  and it's been the basis for many of my thoughts in the weeks since. this is a very growing time in mine and jacob's lives. we have been learning so much not only in our relationship with God, but in many other aspects like health, food, relationships and callings. it's easy when you are in a heavy gleaning time of life to feel wise.

so let me be the first to make a public apology. i don't understand it all.  or even an inkling. 

around that same time a month or so ago i was in a discussion with someone about how when adam and eve fell/sinned in the garden...everything fell.  ever since the introduction of sin, earth has been in an imperfect state...that includes a fallen state not only in our hearts, but in the earth and in animals, in the weather, everything.  and while we have received forgiveness through Christ's death on the cross, we are still living in a fallen world where the natural processes of life continue in a imperfect state all around us. and as i thought on this for a few days, i became overwhelmed by the idea of God being all-knowing and His understanding of everything going on in my life.  what i see going on around me is with a skewed view, but he sees ever so clearly. i don't see half of what He is doing in my life. the more i learn about Him, the more i'm in awe of all that i do not know about him. and for that reason alone, i am not wise. 

i will continue to learn and grow, but i will never know everything and what i do know will never give me the right to think i am more wise in an area than someone else or that my decisions made are better than someone else's. i make the best decisions for my life based on what i have learned and what God has shown me.  and i'll do the same for my child.  what i learn about what is healthy or best for my child or the best way to parent is what God has shown me, but it does not mean He has shown the same to you for your life or for your child. in His scripture he says he not only knew me before i was born, but that he knows the exact number of hairs on my head and the names of all the stars. His infinite knowledge far outweighs what i think i know. and because of this, i have found myself serving out more grace.  

i'm nearing thirty and as i look at those younger than me recently, i see them handling things in a way i would not. and while i saw myself recognizing this, i now am now trying to view it in light of the verse i have been shown...do not be wise in your own eyes. the very things those who are younger than me are doing, are easily the exact same things i did at that age...without the knowledge i have now.  how many times have i pulled out in front of someone in a parking lot? it's helped me bite my tongue while driving recently. and how many times have i said this or that thinking i was right when really i just hadn't learned more about it yet? it made me think of what i'll look back on at forty and wish i had handled differently at thirty.  while i'm often quick to judge, i'm now trying to be quick to show grace...knowing that i'm just as desperately in need of it as the next person.

friends have told me that it's good to learn things like this as i prepare to be a mom because your skin has to toughen up as everyone has an opinion on how to raise your child...and i'm liable to receive an extra portion of advice seeing how my first child's ethnicity will not match my own. so while i am researching and discussing methods of parenting and feeding recently, i'm recognizing already my own need for grace and am hoping as i try to give it to others who are learning that the same service will be shown to this new mom.

scriptures to hold to.

here are just some of the specific scripture i have been reading to myself in recent months. might i recommend reading them out loud and declaring them.  it's truth. and truth sets you free.

"...Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” (Isaiah 49:23 NIV)

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights." (Habakkuk 3:17-19 NIV)

"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face." (Job 13:15 NIV)

"This is what the Lord says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." (Isaiah 48:17 NIV)

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 NIV)

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6 NIV)

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14 NIV)

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5, 6 NIV)

“Therefore say to the Israelites, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: It is not for your sake, people of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone. I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the Lord, declares the Sovereign Lord, when I am proved holy through you before their eyes."(Ezekiel 36:22, 23 NIV)

"Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on." (Exodus 14:13-15 NIV)

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. "(Galatians 6:9 NIV)

"For we live by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)

"As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come. Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you who have done great things. Who is like you, God? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more." (Psalm 71:14-21 NIV)

"Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up. Expect God to get here soon." (Psalm 31:24 MSG)

"And Elijah said to Ahab, “Go, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain.” So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees. “Go and look toward the sea,” he told his servant. And he went up and looked. “There is nothing there,” he said. Seven times Elijah said, “Go back.” The seventh time the servant reported, “A cloud as small as a man’s hand is rising from the sea.” So Elijah said, “Go and tell Ahab, ‘Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.’ ” Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain started falling and Ahab rode off to Jezreel. The power of the Lord came on Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel." (1 Kings 18:41-46 NIV)

"I’m thanking you, God, out loud in the streets, singing your praises in town and country. The deeper your love, the higher it goes; every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness." (Psalm 57:9, 10 MSG)

"In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly."(Psalm 5:3 NIV)

"God ’s Message to his anointed... “I’ll go ahead of you, clearing and paving the road. I’ll break down bronze city gates, smash padlocks, kick down barred entrances. I’ll lead you to buried treasures, secret caches of valuables— Confirmations that it is, in fact, I, God, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. It’s because of my dear servant Jacob, Israel my chosen, That I’ve singled you out, called you by name, and given you this privileged work. And you don’t even know me! I am God, the only God there is. Besides me there are no real gods. I’m the one who armed you for this work, though you don’t even know me, So that everyone, from east to west, will know that I have no god-rivals. I am God, the only God there is. I form light and create darkness, I make harmonies and create discords. I, God, do all these things. “Open up, heavens, and rain. Clouds, pour out buckets of my goodness! Loosen up, earth, and bloom salvation; sprout right living. I, God, generate all this. ” (Isaiah 45:1-10 MSG)

"That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." (Romans 8:18-28 MSG)

He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’”  (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17)

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG)

new month. new hope.

this entire week i have been composing a post in my head.

it included some dates that have passed in april. the fifteenth passed with it's random hopeful dreams. our three year mark of deciding to start a family came and went. and our fifth month of being on the wait list is now behind us and we are nearing six months.

i had been thinking of ways to be broad in my statements about this past month. it's been the hardest of any i have known.  there has been more on mine and jacob's plate than most even are aware of, that range from all types of varied situations. it has been an incredibly challenging last month to say the very least. in many aspects of our life. but we have needed God on a level we haven't experienced before.

and that part hasn't changed...the part about being more desperate for Him than ever. while i pray answers come, moreso i pray the unsatisfied need for Him remains.

i spent yesterday looking up scriptures and adding them to the notes in my phone to have as a constant reminder of the truth that has been carrying me. and will share them in a new post here. when God is silent, he still speaks in scripture. when you are in need of truth and something to hold to...go to His Word. something i've learned is this. if you are a christian. if you claim it and walk it...then there's no denying the Bible. you may only hear silence. you may feel like you've been lead down a path then left in a dessert. you may feel alone or pointless. but if you say you believe God then you must believe His word that says all those feelings are not truthful about you. he hears every prayer. he catches all your tears in jars. he says he won't leave you or forsake you. he says he carries you. he says he will provide. he says you are never alone. he says he has a plan for you..one in fact laid out before you were born. it says he'll finish that plan he started in you. he says that he also prays for you on your behalf and it even says he is always doing what is best for you as well as what will show Himself the most glory. if you forget it in your season, remind yourself of that hope that is in the scripture.

but mainly i was preparing a post that said "amen. it's may." i couldn't have been more excited for a new month.  a fresh. new. month. His mercies are new every morning...but man, His mercies for a new month couldn't have come any quicker.

i was going to then explain how our orphanage is on a freeze. and has been since the end of march. that didn't allow any more babies to come in. and how i would ask you for prayers for a third social worker so that by mid-may our orphange wouldn't lose it's license and close for two years.

and now, as the end is coming to may 1st...a day and week full of it's own new frustrations...we just got word that a third social worker has been found! and that the paperwork has been sent into the taiwanese goverment!!!

and then i balled.

among many weights this past month, the prayer for a social worker has been near the top. several of our close friends and family have also been waring for us as well. and while i felt numb to the situation, i also had a quiet confidence in God.  a trust that said if one isn't found in the next two weeks (after a 9+ month search) and our orphanage closes, you must have a better plan. a trust said that even in pain, he had better. so we prayed. those things in which i have no control over (which encompasses so much of our lives right now) i can do no more then to trust and do the best i can with what i have.

we aren't past it all yet...the paperwork must go through and be approved before the freeze on babies coming in will be lifted...but hope rises. they currently have 9 babies at the orphanage and all have matches with parents already. so while we know it's very likely it could be a bit still before they have more babies (OUR baby(ies)) or we get a call, the possibility has returned for it at least being feasible now...maybe even for this year.

so now i have a new prayer request...to the diligent hand full-ish of people that apparently read this blog (feel free to comment sometime)...the nine babies at the orphanage who have matches, haven't been assigned court dates in months. pray that the judges would begin to move on their behalf.  that paperwork would begin to go through, court dates would be established and that the current standstill would come to a close and efficiency would take priority. that is our new main prayer.

God is on the move. always. sometimes we feel it and sense it and sometimes we don't. this month has been a test in trusting what i don't see, believing when there's no signs, and hoping when i don't feel like it anymore. this season is good. so hard, but so good. someone prayed the other day over an event and said he was thankful for victory that was already had. victory has been established in my heart and the daily walking out of it is often trying...but i'm never alone.

thanks so much for the prayers already lifted up and thank you for those continuing to come.

i'll post all the scripture in a new post so no one is overwhelmed by the length of the post. :)

bring on may.

SHIRTS and links on how to get them!

several people have asked where to pay for shirts and or donate....so we have a button set up here now just for that...this donate button below links to our pay pal account! when you make a purchase, make sure you fill in your address as well as your size etc so we know what shirts to send and where to. :) thanks so much!! and if you're on a computer then the donate button will always be in the top right corner of our blog! :)

here are the shirts again!  i wear a small easily and jacob's a large in these.  we haven't found them to shrink, but if you washed them in really hot water and put them in a hot dryer initially they probably might some...they're super comfy and are longer than a typical tee.  all designed by jacob and printed by our awesome friends! :)

4 months, 8 days.

four months and eight days on the waiting list. the other day when i had the door open to the still drying nursery, i found parker just sitting.  and in a hyper-emotional state, i cried, at the cheesiest thought i may have ever had lol "even parker is waiting". :) eighteen and a half weeks less of our total wait time.

we had a friend dream twice in a row one week recently that we found out april 15th. after first determining that she was not excessively concerned for tax day, i tucked it away in my mind.  could be right. could be God. or it could just be nudge to hope through another month. another few weeks with a timeline to consider. no harm in hoping. no wrong in being incorrect if it pushes you to hope.